Grief is a quiet, complex emotion that flows through the adoption journey, touching everyone involved—children who have been adopted, adoptive parents, and birth parents. At Families Forever, a program of NCHS, we understand the deep impact of grief and are here to shine a light on these hidden feelings. Our overarching goal is to offer support and practical ways to help everyone in the adoption constellation manage and heal from these emotional hurdles. The following blog is an overview of our recent guide, How the Core Issue of Grief Impacts the Entire Adoption Constellation, where we take a close look at grief - the fifth of the seven core issues of adoption. Keep reading to get a sneak peek into what we include in the guide.
In adoption, using people-first language is essential. Instead of solely using the term 'adoptee,' we also refer to them as 'individuals/people who have been adopted.' This language choice emphasizes their personhood and avoids unintentional dehumanization.
By being mindful of this language, we promote respect and inclusivity. Adoption is a significant part of their story, but it does not define them entirely. They are individuals with their own unique experiences, dreams, and identities beyond their adoption status.
From a very young age, children who have been adopted might wrestle with feelings of loss or wonder about where they come from. These feelings are often complicated by the expectation that they should always feel lucky or grateful for their circumstances. Adoptive families must create a space where kids can talk about their feelings openly and honestly without feeling judged.
Adoptive parents may grapple with their own form of grief, perhaps stemming from struggles with infertility or mixed emotions about their child’s connection to their birth family. Understanding and talking about these feelings helps parents fully embrace the beautiful family dynamic that adoption brings.
The grief felt by birth parents is profound, involving not just the loss of being with their child every day but also missing out on the daily joys of parenting. Societal expectations often magnify this grief to move on quickly, highlighting the need for ongoing support that respects their long-term emotional journey.
Creating a warm, emotionally receptive home is so important. This environment can help encourage kids to share their feelings openly and without worry. Having a counselor to talk to and building connections with their birth parents or family can make a big difference in how they handle their emotions.
BONUS CONTENT: Post-Adoption Support for People Who Are Struggling
Joining support groups to connect with other families who have adopted and genuinely understanding the emotional rollercoaster that can come with adoption is critical to navigating life’s hurdles. These resources help adoptive parents manage their own feelings, face unique challenges, and create a loving environment at home.
BONUS CONTENT: Finding Adoption Resources and Support | NCHS
Having a support network is valuable for all members of the adoption constellation, but especially so for birth parents. These groups are a safe place to talk and share experiences that might otherwise stay bottled up. Activities like making a memory box or receiving professional counseling can also help during the healing process.
BONUS CONTENT: Post-Adoption Support For Birth Mothers
If you or someone you know is navigating the emotional paths of adoption, please remember you’re not alone. Reach out to us at NCHS for resources and support designed to assist families and individuals through every part of the adoption experience.
Together, we can explore the nuances of adoption, discover healing avenues, and create a brighter, more connected future for every member of the adoption constellation.
Download our guide, How the Core Issue of Grief Impacts the Entire Adoption Constellation, for even more information about this core issue of adoption.